Archives for April, 2003

As God Is My Witness

I will never–never–watch my Big Fat Greek Wedding. And no one can make me.

Posted on Apr 8, 2003 in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

War Coverage Questions

Is it just me, or does mick trogloydyte Sean Hannity appear to have an advancing hairline? It looks like it’s going to keep creeping cranially downward until it merges with his unibrow.

MSNBC has the best coverage. And the cutest anchorwomen. If more women wore glasses like Ashleigh Banfield, it would be the greatest thing for women’s fashion short of the return of the corset. But what the hell is wrong with Lester Holt? He looks like he’s about to burst into giggles half the time–especially when asking earnest questions about American and Iraqi casualties. And Chris Jansing looks like anime made flesh.

Who decided that ex-Special Forces guys serving as TV experts have to dress like college professors trying to sleep with undergrads–trying way too hard to be hip? Where is it written that tweed jacket plus black mock turtleneck is required clothing for former Navy Seals? My fave is Major Bob Bevelaqua, ex-Green Beret serving a tour of duty with Fox News.

O’Reilly: “Major Bob, how would you handle this situation?”
Major Bob: “Well, Bill, I’ll tell ya–I’d take the serrated edge of my Yarborough combat knife, and creep up real slow-like, and saw through his windpipe…”
O’Reilly: “well! with all due respect major, that’s not the way I’d kill a man…”

Anyone who can watch Fox News for half an hour without laughing out loud at least three times has an unrecoverably atrophied sense of humor…

Posted on Apr 7, 2003 in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Could You People Please Learn Another Historical Analogy?

Imagine if, in the darkest days of 1940, Winston Churchill had rallied the West by saying, “This war looks hopeless, and besides, it will cost too much. Hitler can’t be that bad. Let’s surrender and see what happens.” That is essentially what we hear from the legalizers.

Virtue salesman Bill Bennett, on the moral imperative to fight the drug war–proving once again that the only evidence he’s not an idiot is his ability to make millions selling books he didn’t write. From Tim Lynch’s excellent book After Prohibition.

Posted on Apr 5, 2003 in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

R.I.P. Michael Kelly

Washington Post columnist and Atlantic Monthly editor Michael Kelly has died in a Humvee accident while travelling with the 3rd Infantry Division in Iraq. Kelly edited the New Republic the last time it was interesting and turned the Atlantic Monthly into the best magazine in the country. He was a writer I much admired, sharp, unpretentious, witheringly sarcastic and funny. It seems odd to say you’re going to miss someone you’ve never met, but I’ll miss him all the same.

It’s sadder still, after reading this.

Posted on Apr 4, 2003 in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Poetry Thursday

There’s a reason I don’t comment much on the progress of the war as it unfolds. Well, a couple of reasons: 1. I’m busy; 2. I’m lazy; and most importantly, 3. what the hell do I know? If I’d done a series of “bring-me-the-head-of-Donald-Rumsfeld” posts last week, I’d feel pretty stupid right now, given how well things appear to be going on the ground.

Besides, I like the guy despite myself. He helped end the draft, he’s an outright skeptic on the war on drugs, and he manages to maintain a gruff, no B.S. manner even when he’s spouting B.S. I know I shouldn’t like him, but there it is.

Slate has an endearing feature today called “The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld,” taken from his press conferences. Some of it’s quite good:

Glass Box
You know, it’s the old glass box at the—
At the gas station,
Where you’re using those little things
Trying to pick up the prize,
And you can’t find it.

And it’s all these arms are going down in there,
And so you keep dropping it
And picking it up again and moving it,

Some of you are probably too young to remember those—
Those glass boxes,

But they used to have them
At all the gas stations
When I was a kid.

—Dec. 6, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

They’ve left out my favorite couplet: on the subject of Iraq, WMD, and Al Qaeda links, the SecDef said in December 2001: “absence of evidence/is not evidence of absence.” Heavy, man.

Posted on Apr 3, 2003 in Uncategorized | 1 Comment


Immediately after September 11, according to Bob Woodward’s book Bush at War, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz tried to convince President Bush to attack Iraq rather than Afghanistan, maintaining that Hussein’s government was a brittle regime that could crumble easily, that Iraq was a pushover and Afghanistan was not.

David Corn in the Nation.

I’m not that surprised by the fact that Wolfowitz underestimated the fight that the Hussein regime would put up. A lot of military geniuses did, including Vodkapundit; hey, I even thought the regime would topple in the first couple of days, and I didn’t have the grown-up’s version of Dungeons & Dragons to lead me astray.

No, what I find astounding is that Wolfowitz–according to Woodward–wanted to do Iraq first. You’ve got two countries, one of which has some chemical and biological weapons it’s not supposed to have and some connections to Palestinian terror groups. The other country is defiantly harboring the leader and much of the membership of a criminal conspiracy that just killed 3,000 Americans. And Iraq is first??

Posted on Apr 2, 2003 in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Laughing (Sorta) in the Face of Death

Ye Gods. War and disease. Maybe the Christian Right’s right about the End Times. All I know is, if the righteous ones among us start disappearing bodily up into heaven in the Rapture, the first thing I’m gonna do is sit down at this keyboard, and admit that I was wrong, wrong, horribly wrong about this war. That’s the great thing about a blog. You can correct yourself when you’re wrong.

Posted on Apr 1, 2003 in Uncategorized | 2 Comments